Saturday, 14 June 2008

• Currently Listening Spring and Summer By Jon Foreman see related

  Well, this has been a long time coming.  Not really, I suppose.

  I was just walking outside tonight around 7:30 to go eat, and I looked in my backyard as my dad and I pulled out of the driveway.  Our house is a split-level, so the backyard slopes down.  Dusk's golden sunlight was streaming through the various trees which form a thick, lush canopy over the freshly-manicured grass, and the lawn was occasionally bathed in that gold light, like the hands of nature reaching into the yard.  The flowers my dad has planted were in full bloom-- pinks, reds, yellows, oranges-- sporadically around the yard, and an old-looking stone fountain trickled water in the middle of the yard.  It really was such a beautiful sight, and I had to pause for a moment to just enjoy it.  Dorothy had it right: there's no place...

  Sometimes I wish I'd grown up faster.  College has been great-- it's stretched me, tested me, tried me, and rewarded me, and though I feel like I'm in a constant state of flux, I know I'm headed to where I want to be.  Eventually.  Maybe.  It's the waiting part-- the figuring out, the questions, the answers we do and don't want to hear-- that makes it so tough.  That's why I think I wish I hadn't gone into my collegiate years so "unprepared." 

  That's not the right word.  If it is, it was an "unavoidable un-preparation." 

  Sometimes, though, I wish I had "been through a little bit more" growing up-- pushed a little bit more in school, questioned a little bit more in church, conversed on a deeper level with friends.  I can't complain about my home life-- I honestly think I had about as good of an upbringing as is possible, and I am so, so grateful for that.  But I just think... somehow... I don't know.

  Now I expound.

  Like, I wish high school was harder.  I wish we'd started writing research papers freshman year, just to get used to it.  I wish we had to read books like The Catcher In The Rye at least before we were juniors.  I wish I had more teachers that challenged us as people, and not just as students.  I wish we'd have been slammed daily and unbiased-ly with the issues that face our world.  I wish we had to have developed our own opinions more often.  I wish my Sunday School teachers had been a little more "real" with us.  I wish I'd read the works of C.S. Lewis sooner.  I wish 'church' didn't always feel like such a routine.  I wish I knew more people outside of my Christian circle of friends.  I wish I'd learned to truly love someone I was supposed to hate.  I wish I met more people who have really lived something. I wish the more experienced people that I did know would have been more fearless to tell me about it.  I wish I'd developed closer friends among the ones I had.  I wish I'd been more real more often.  I wish I'd challenged myself to go beyond the expectations of the southern young man.

  But then I wouldn't be here.  And I think where I am right now is a great thing.  Maybe not right now, but in the long run... who knows.  Eternity is kind of a long time.  I probably shouldn't expect to know exactly where I fit in His plan at this moment.  Then I wouldn't be so human...

  ... and being human is... what He intended.  And what he intended...

  ... is Good.

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